but honey you just moved in
by callmesandy
Summary: Jonah decided if he was really committed, if this was now him, St. Louis resident, Cloud 9 employee, it was time to put down roots. He changed the name of his Instagram account to JBSSTL from JBSCHIL. He'd probably change it again when he thought of something clever. More clever. (au pre-pilot)


not mine, not profit garnered. For the trope TELEPATHY/MIND MELD. Title and opening quote from Aimee Mann's Patient Zero. AU pre-pilot. Thanks to FF for beta help. All mistakes mine. Read more about Fannia Cohn here: /encyclopedia/article/cohn-fannia-m

* * *

 _Life is good_  
 _You look around and think_  
 _I'm in the right neighborhood_  
 _But, honey, you just moved in_  
 _Life is grand_  
 _And wouldn't you like_  
 _To have it go as planned?_

Her name was Amy and she was smiling when she said she'd see Jonah tomorrow. It was nearly midnight. End of a big day for him, Jonah thought.

He walked over to Garrett and said, "Hey, so like, Amy. Is she, like -"

"Oh, great, she'll be thrilled. One more associate creeping around her," Garrett said.

"She's divorced," Cheyenne said. "She's been divorced for, like, over a year. And everyone hits on her."

"I was just asking, I don't want to harass her," Jonah said.

"Others before you have set a high bar for being creepy to Amy," Garrett said. "Remember that guy who made a sock puppet of his penis and hung it on the outside of her locker with his number stitched on to it?"

Jonah grimaced. "That is a high bar."

"It was stuffed with his pubic hair," Dina said. She looked disgruntled. Dina had maybe been hitting on him, Jonah thought. "He had a lot of pubic hair he got in that sock."

"She gets a lot of dick pics," Cheyenne said. "More than me."

"So you're saying she doesn't go out much," Jonah said.

"Never," Cheyenne said. "It's pretty sad. She's not that old."

"And her ex already has a little chippie moved in with him," Dina said.

"Okay, I feel really well-informed now," Jonah said. He got rid of his caffeinated malt beverage, said his goodbyes and see you tomorrows and went to his car. Then he sat there, with his phone out, trying to figure out what to do now. He needed a place to stay. He'd burnt out and flunked out of school and now he was, basically on a whim, working at a Cloud 9. Where he'd had a good day. Of all places.

He said he'd show up tomorrow and he was going to show up tomorrow. He searched on his phone for a cheap hotel and drove to the nearest one. Then he drove to two more before he found one with a room he could stay in. For a week. He could last a week. Re-evaluate at the end of one week and figure out if this was just the weirdest nervous breakdown ever, or a step in the right direction, finally, in his life. He'd had a good day, his first actual good day in a long while.

He had a good week, too.

He wasn't scheduled to work at the end of his first week. He almost hoped he'd be called in. Instead he visited three places he was thinking of renting and put in applications at two. That night he got a call from one of them saying he could move in tomorrow. "Okay," he said. "I would love to."

He had nothing to really move in. Luckily he had the super early morning shift so he could check out of the hotel, transfer the money for first and last on his phone to the rental agency, and get off work around two so he had time to go Centro Modern for furniture shopping. He just wanted a bed, a couch and a desk delivered immediately with no assembly required. Then he realized he didn't have bedding or pillows. He went to a different Cloud 9 and decided to forego his employee discount.

After one week and one day, Jonah went to bed in his apartment and decided this almost certainly was not a breakdown. He sent his new address to all the relevant parties, which was his way of thinking of his bank, his dad, his Nana and Pop Pop in Miami, and school so they could forward his mail.

Jonah decided if he was really committed, if this was now him, St. Louis resident, Cloud 9 employee, it was time to put down roots. He changed the name of his instagram account to JBSSTL from JBSCHIL. He'd probably change it again when he thought of something clever. More clever.

He literally couldn't tell anyone at work because he thought "hey, I finally got an apartment to live here since I guess I'm working here!" would come off as either very eccentric or pathetic. Probably pathetic. He wasn't super sensitive but he didn't want to give Amy and Mateo more reasons to make fun of him.

Amy's name tag that day said she was "Nell." He said, "I once dated a girl named Nell. It was short for Eleanor."

"Well, that's important information," Amy said. She didn't shoo him away, though.

"I could look her up on Facebook, maybe she worked here once and that's why the store has that tag," Jonah said.

"I doubt it," Amy said. "How many people like you really end up here, right? You're a unique flower."

"Let's not discount that idea, though," Garrett said. "I'm completely in favor of wasting time while Jonah looks up old girlfriends."

He made her smile sometimes, he was pretty sure she wasn't completely irritated by him.

Jonah saw Amy with a cute little girl who looked like her so he rushed over. "Hey, this must be Emma." He smiled to be charming.

Emma grimaced at him, she looked just like her mother. Amy said, "Jonah, please be quiet, she's not supposed to be here."

"I won't say anything," Jonah said.

Emma looked him up and down and said, "This is Jonah?"

"Yes, I am," Jonah said. "Your mom talks about me?"

"She talks about all the people who work here," Emma said. "Can I go hang out with Cheyenne?"

Amy nodded. After Emma was gone, Amy said, "Yes, my best friend is a 17 year old. Woo."

"Well, it's not bad. At least you have a best friend, some people don't even have that. Also, besides her taste in, uh, baby daddies, Cheyenne is pretty cool. I mean, everything besides, you know -"

"Bo," Amy said. "Yeah, that is basically Cheyenne's worst quality."

"She's so much better than him, I mean, like, personality wise, she's so sweet and nice, but not in a saccharine way."

"You're not attracted to her, right?" Amy glared at him.

"No, no, she's 17, and pregnant. That is not my type," Jonah said.

"But 18 and not pregnant?" He was still getting the glare but it had a more flirty quality. He thought. It might.

"18 is still too young for me, frankly," Jonah said. "It was good when I was 18, of course, but not now."

"My ex actually dated a 20 year old right after the divorce," Amy said. "It did not last long, thank God. He's a good guy. He was just, you know, neither of us have dated since we were 18, it's an adjustment."

"Not one you made," Jonah said. Then hated himself and wished he could die right there. "I heard, people said you don't date."

"Not anyone in this store," Amy said. "I've dated since I got divorced. I've even had sex." She whispered the last word and looked around to make sure Emma wasn't around, he assumed.

"Good for you," Jonah said.

"Thanks," Amy said, like Jonah was a weirdo, which he apparently was.

It was another weird day. But he wasn't really anxious about it. That was what so great about Cloud 9 and St. Louis, he was almost never anxious. He slept though the night like he'd only done when he was drunk before. He didn't worry much. Not really at all. He hoped Amy liked him and when he asked her out, she'd say yes. But it wasn't a worry.

He went to the farmer's market near his new apartment. He started going to a local coffee house and started to meet some regulars. Making friends had never really been Jonah's problem. He was good with people, generally. He liked St. Louis. He hadn't really been dating, not since the reporter from Stratus and that hadn't been dating, that had been a one-night stand. In a hotel two blocks down from the one Jonah had been staying at before he got his apartment.

His father called to ask him what the hell he was doing. "Right now I'm at work, Dad," Jonah said. He walked back towards the employee bathrooms. "So that's what the hell I'm doing."

"You're working at WalMart," his dad said.

"No, Cloud 9, slightly different. A little nicer, not as nice as Target. Right in that sweet spot in the middle," Jonah said, wincing.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I got them confused," his dad said, sarcastically. "Why don't you come home? We'll figure out this mess with school and you can get your MBA."

"I don't want to do that," Jonah said. "I don't think I want an MBA. Actually, I'm sure, I don't want an MBA."

"You want to stack boxes at Cloud 9," his dad said.

"Honestly? It's a lot more appealing than more business school."

His dad said, "I don't get it. I don't understand. Your first year you were doing great. Then boom, complete breakdown. What if you come home and spend some time at that place, the one your Aunt Tillie went to."

"I don't think not wanting an MBA is grounds for a mental institution. I'm not depressed. I don't have anxiety," Jonah said. Not a lot of anxiety.

"You have a gambling problem," his dad said.

"I wasn't gambling when I left school," Jonah said.

"When you flunked out. After going to the hospital for dehydration. I don't think some time on the couch would be bad for you. Unless Cloud 9 is better therapy," his dad said.

"It's not any kind of therapy. It's a job. It's a job I'm good at." Mateo walked by and gave him a look of intense skepticism. "I'm okay at it. I like it here. I like St. Louis."

"What are we doing about your tuition, then?"

Jonah said, "We're not doing anything. Don't they give it back when you don't finish?"

"Not when you flunk," his dad said. "We, and yes, Jonah, we paid for your tuition out of your grandmother's trust. I know you're paying back your credit card still from your last game of online poker. I think you should be paying back the trust, too."

"I can't afford that," Jonah said.

"Maybe you should get a better job," his dad said.

"You can't make me pay back a trust that was left specifically to me," Jonah said.

"I'm one of the trustees, I can do a lot," his dad said.

"Okay, what do you want to do? Besides me coming home or going back to school, what's your preferred outcome here?"

His dad hadn't expected that. Jonah wasn't going to let money force him back to his dad's house. They actually did work out a compromise because Jonah really didn't care. He didn't need all the money, he just wanted his apartment and his job at Cloud 9. And all his nice things. So he needed some of the money but not all of it. He would get all of it, eventually.

Of course, his dad called back. "What did your psychiatrist say about all this?"

"Dad, Dr. Nguyen said I could stop seeing her because I was totally okay," Jonah lied. She hadn't said exactly that, but it was close enough. He had HIPPA to protect him from his dad ever knowing. He hadn't had a panic attack once in St. Louis, so he was obviously fine.

"That was over two years ago, you should see her again."

"She's in Manhattan, and I'm in St. Louis, so no," Jonah said.

His father decided that Jonah had to go to six sessions with a decent psychiatrist "before I accept that you're not having a nervous breakdown."

"I'm not completely sure I have health insurance right now," Jonah lied again. He did not have health insurance.

"I'll take care of it," his dad growled.

The very next day, Jonah got a fedex package that included his new health insurance card and a thick useless book of physicians in Missouri he could go to. Apparently his dad had bought Jonah a pretty high class plan.

"Because I don't know how to use a website," Jonah said, tossing the book into the paper recycling bin. There was a note at the bottom of the package with the name of the psychiatrist Jonah's dad had picked and when the appointments were.

He brought the list into work the next day and asked Amy if this was something she could accommodate. "Usually, sure, but then it's you." She grimaced and took the list. "What are these appointments?"

"Doctor," Jonah said. "My dad feels strongly about me seeing every specialist in St. Louis."

"Does he think you have something wrong with you?"

"Doesn't every parent?" Jonah smiled, pulling at his fingers.

"No, my dad thinks I'm basically perfect," Amy said. "He used to think that about my sister, but that's not important."

"Well, I'm not a daughter he dotes on. He doesn't dote on any of his sons. Maybe Caleb. Caleb is definitely the favorite of the three of us. Also the oldest."

"You're the youngest? You're so the youngest. You have the confidence of the baby of the family that everyone just lets talk and no one says 'you're wrong' because they're the baby," Amy said.

"My middle brother Eli told me I was wrong all the time," Jonah said. "But yes, I'm the youngest."

"Fine, I'll work it out," Amy said.

"Are you the youngest?" Jonah looked at her. "No, you're the oldest, aren't you?"

"Yes, there's me, my brother and my sister, in that order."

Jonah said, "Do I remind you of your sister?"

"No, she's so much less annoying. And she worked here briefly, she was great," Amy said.

"Better than you," Dina said, muttering as she walked by.

"That's not true," Amy said. "She was just here for the summer, she only worked the register, and she hooked up a lot in the bang room."

"The bang room?"

Amy was smirking at him. "Where employees hookup. I'm sure someone will invite you, Jonah. You're so cute, right?"

"So not the warehouse," Jonah said, following her as she walked the floor.

"Somewhere with no cameras," Amy said.

"You know I'm just going to ask Garrett," Jonah said.

"You should do that," Amy said.

Garrett laughed. "It's the photo lab, dummy. Amy will not be going there with you."

"Why are you so sure? I mean, I haven't asked her out because I want to be respectful, but why are you so sure she would say no? Did she say something to you?"

"No, I can just tell. You are not going to be the first associate Amy dates. You're very, hmm, you're a porcelain man doll. You never met Adam. He was a big guy, former football player, still in good shape," Garrett said.

"They're divorced, that might mean she's changed her type."

"It might, but that type is not you," Garrett said.

"I don't think that's true," Jonah said.

A quick glance around his new psychiatrist's room showed Jonah that the guy had graduated the same undergrad as Jonah's dad. Maybe they'd been in the same class. That didn't bode well.

Jonah opened with "How much of this are you passing along to my dad?"

"None," the doctor said. "How did you end up here?"

It was nice to get unburdened. Jonah would thank his dad if he weren't congenitally opposed to it. He could tell the psychiatrist all about work, and Amy, and Garrett, and how easy he found it living on less than he used to, which was still a lot compared to his coworkers. At the end Jonah said, "So nervous breakdown? Or intriguing twist in my life journey?"

"It's not a nervous breakdown," the shrink said. "See you in three days."

Jonah wasn't surprised he got 100 on the corporate policies test. He always tested well. He was great at tests, except for the last year at business school. Then he'd been awful, but he'd been awful at everything. He probably shouldn't have been so proud about a test from Cloud 9 corporate. He'd had a lot of conversations with his Dad recently, it was nice to have an accomplishment, even just a 100 from Cloud 9.

His hubris brought him to his knees, or rather, his back on a heap of stuffed animals next to Amy in the warehouse. Amy told him she was taking college courses. She hadn't told anyone else. He told her the truth about why he was in St. Louis. "My dad thinks I'm having a nervous breakdown."

"That doesn't sound crazy," Amy said. "What your dad thinks, not what you did."

"I'll have you know the psychiatrist my father is forcing me to see does not agree with either of you. He absolutely ruled nervous breakdown out."

Amy smiled at him. "Those are your appointments. I won't tell."

"I won't tell, either." He smiled back at her.

Amy looked up at the ceiling. She said, "Please don't ask me out."

"Okay," Jonah said. He sighed. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You weren't being creepy. I just, I don't date associates. I wanted to let you down easy. I'm not being arrogant, right? You were thinking about it," Amy said. She still hadn't looked at him.

"Not arrogant at all, I was totally thinking about it," Jonah said. He sighed again. "We can still be friends, right? Not in that creepy Reddit Nice Guy way. But like after a week, maybe, not working with you so I can chill out."

"My ex-husband loves Reddit. Not the awful parts, but he was always talking about his friends on the grill forums or whatever he was into," Amy said. "Really not the evil parts, towards the end I might have snooped in his internet history."

"I think that's perfectly understandable," Jonah said.

"He did not agree with you," Amy said. "We need to get out of here before someone realizes we did this."

"Absolutely," Jonah said. As he was getting up, he hit the wrong lever and unleashed the forklift. He watched in horror until Amy pulled him away.

He told his psychiatrist about getting rejected in their final session. "But that's cool," he said. "She handled it really well. I'm good."

"Are you going to leave St. Louis now?"

"No, no, not at all," Jonah said. "No, it's cool, we're not working together for a week, then like, I'll probably be fine and we can be friends. Because Amy is great."

"Do you ever let yourself experience negative emotions?"

"Yes, constantly. I had to unfollow five different twitter accounts yesterday because their tweets were consistently irritating me. I experienced a lot of negative emotions when I was at business school. And you know what? At Cloud 9, not so much. 90% less anxiety, no burning competitiveness, just work and mostly good people to work with. Obviously not Sal, but the rest of them. Cloud 9 makes me feel fine. Not great, not super stressed, but fine. Why is fine bad?" Jonah had run out of breath.

His psychiatrist said, "You're in a job where you could be replaced by anyone, they don't even need a high school education. You have a college degree -"

"Only magna cum laude, though, both my brothers were magna sum laude. Though we can argue about the difference in grading at our respective institutions," Jonah said. "See? That was a negative emotion, right there. I have to explain I didn't do as well as Eli or Caleb. Oooh, competitiveness, envy. Those are negative." Jonah rubbed his chin. "Also, you don't think entry level positions I would get with an MBA wouldn't be incredibly replaceable? Cause they are. Dime a dozen. The only way I would be irreplaceable would be if I were working for Dad and even then, Eli or Caleb could take my place."

"If any of your coworkers had the money you have available to you, they wouldn't be working at Cloud 9," the psychiatrist said.

Jonah had to nod and agree with that one.

"All done," Jonah said when he called his dad.

"I heard," his dad said. "I still think you've lost your mind. But you go ahead and sink into that pit of mediocrity and unambitious drudgery."

"That's a lot of words for working at Cloud 9," Jonah said.

"If you ever want to come home and actually get your MBA or a real job that gives you health insurance, I won't say I told you so more than once."

"I love you, too," Jonah said.

Jonah had a bummer week. He worked opposite shifts from Amy and discovered a bunch of employees he'd hadn't worked with before and he didn't find it was a great discovery. Negative emotions, he thought. He experienced them. Also he ended working with Mateo way more than he ever wanted to.

He was back working shifts with Amy in time for Color Wars, as awkward as he found the entire endeavor of overselling, he could do it if he had to. He wanted Amy to have her $100. He really tried to sell people things they didn't need to corporate could clean out some inventory. Then he cheated and bought himself a big screen TV and a video game system and some games. He took off his gold shirt and put his shirt from earlier on, found a newsboy cap and reading glasses so he could go through the line and hopefully not be recognized. Then he had to sneak back in and get his gold shirt back on.

He sat with Amy at the party and watched Myrtle smash the teddy bear pinata. Amy said, "Did you buy something for yourself to help out the team?"

"No, no," Jonah said.

"Oh, of course you didn't. I totally didn't see you loading a big screen TV into your car."

"Well, I needed one. It seemed like a good day to get it," Jonah said. "No one on the red team saw me, right?"

"God, no," Amy said. "That was a pretty ridiculous thing to do. Don't you already have a TV?"

"It's not big enough for my xbox," Jonah said. That he had also just bought.

Amy just looked at him and he thought it was with affection. Probably at a bare minimum she liked him as a co-worker.

The next day he was thankfully off from work, so he slept in, and then went to the farmer's market by his apartment. He bought some great food, he had a great conversation with a pretty woman. He saw her an hour later at his favorite coffee place. They talked more and she took him back to her apartment. It was such a nicely decorated place, he almost wanted to ask here where she got her art. Instead they were in her bed and the curtains were open so they were having sex in the sun. "This is so nice," he said, after, when they were both naked and snacking on her bed. "Did you make this?"

"I did not make the bread," she said. Her name was Naomi. "I helped out with the mustard."

"The mustard is great," Jonah said. "It's the best part."

Naomi touched his hair. She said, "We should do this again."

"Absolutely, definitely. You have my phone number. Just, like, text me. I'm not trying to blow you off or anything, I just want to make sure you feel like you have the agency here," Jonah said.

"You're hilarious," Naomi said.

"That's what I'm shooting for," Jonah said.

The next day Garrett asked him how his day off went. "It was nice, actually, it was great."

"Did you get laid?" Garrett sounded bored.

"I wouldn't put it that crassly," Jonah said.

"Was that reporter back in town?" Garrett sounded less bored.

"No, no, it was a woman I met at the farmer's market," Jonah said, looking down.

"Did you say Amy's name when you came?"

"No, no, God," Jonah said. "No, who does that? I've never done that."

"That would make the story interesting enough for me to repeat, but since you didn't, it's not funny," Garrett said.

"So you'll be discreet about my hook up with Naomi because it's dull and no one cares about me," Jonah said.

"Sure," Garrett said.

Garrett wasn't discreet at all. Amy came up to him a few hours in and said, "So you were hooking up at the farmer's market, huh?"

"Yes, did Garrett tell everyone?"

"He was mostly just passing along that you don't think people actually call out other people's names during sex," Amy said. "And you're wrong. It totally happens."

"I don't believe you've done it," Jonah said.

Amy smiled widely. "I haven't done it, but I've had it done it of me, or however you'd say that."

"Someone called out your name during sex? How do you know that for sure? Who was that?"

"Adam," Amy said. She said it smugly. It was a little adorable. Jonah clamped right down on that thought.

"You can't know that for sure," Jonah said.

"But I do, because the girl he did it to came into the store and yelled at me. She called me a demon witch. Garrett saved the security tape, we watch it sometimes," Amy said.

"You seem proud," Jonah said.

"I am, a little," Amy said. "I'm very memorable in bed."

He looked down laughing. Amy said, "Sorry."

"No, no, we're good," Jonah said.

He kept seeing Naomi, she even came by his apartment. She said, "Your place looks pre-furnished, nothing personal."

"I didn't buy a lot of furniture when I first moved in," Jonah said. "I've been really indecisive about art and other decorations. Is this right, is that right? Does that really represent me?"

"Are you worried about sitting around your own apartment feeling inauthentic?" Naomi laughed.

"I sort of am," Jonah said. "Is that endearing or off-putting?"

"So far, endearing," Naomi said.

They broke up after a month or so, as much as a casual sexual relationship and good conversation could have a break up. She gave him a plant for his apartment which he was intent on keeping alive.

Jonah decided to throw a party. It was a housewarming party in his head, but he told everyone it was just because. He invited people from the store, including Amy, of course, and his new friends. He tried to navigate his apartment with his hands out to approximate how Garrett would get around and that seemed to work. He also forced himself to hang something on his empty walls. Amy snapped at him for spending too much staring at his phone because he was lost in an Etsy hole of artwork.

He made a few playlists, arranged a variety of beers in a stack that Amy would have yelled at him for but it was on his own table, not an end cap. He put out a lot of cheeses. And chips, too. He even bought some of the Cloud 9 salsa. He finally set up his video game system. He was good to go.

Everyone came, everyone had a good time. Jonah hadn't actually been worried. People liked him, he liked people. He wanted them to have fun. His various sets of people in his friend groups got along well enough for one night. He caught Garrett's eye when a Drake song came on and Garrett laughed at him, said, "This is your jam, right?"

Bo got waaah-sted and then Cheyenne walked him out after Bo threw up in the corner of Jonah's bedroom. He'd closed the door to indicate it was off-limits, but Cheyenne said, "Bo doesn't listen to the rules, man." And also, "Sorry!"

For some reason, Naomi and Mateo hit it off immediately and Jonah tried very hard not to listen in on their conversation. Surely Mateo had more interesting things to talk about than Jonah, right?

He saw Amy arrive but didn't see her much after that. Until the very end of the party, when he'd mostly gotten everyone to go, and was cleaning up. He'd actually gotten everyone to go except Amy who was drinking a beer, not her first, on his couch and watching something on his Netflix. He said, "Is that I know what you did last summer?"

"Noooooooo," Amy said. "I still know what you did last summer." She looked over her shoulder at him as he cleaned up the living room area. "I don't get how you do that, throw a party and everyone comes and you're so chill at the end."

"I like people, I buy a lot of beer," Jonah said.

"Maybe that's why Emma's 10th birthday party failed, not enough beer."

"Was it really a failure or do you just think it was?"

"There was throwing up and screaming and crying and that's just Adam," Amy said.

He started cleaning the kitchen area which was the big exhausting part.

Amy said, "Do you want some help?"

"Nope, I got it, my party, my clean up," Jonah said.

"Oh, great, good. I didn't want to get up. Freddie Prinze, Jr is my second favorite 90s teen heartthrob. So I am really enjoying this movie."

"Cool," Jonah said. It took some time but he got all the beer bottles and cans emptied and in the recycling bin. He threw away the three glasses that had been cracked or used as an ashtray for something. Maybe weed? Probably weed. He straightened the area around Amy, who was nearly asleep.

"You can do all this in the morning," Amy said.

"Or I can do it now and wake up to a clean apartment," Jonah said. He'd reclaimed his ability to get things done. Reclaimed it from his dark lack of hydration period before flunking out.

He was cleaning up the vomit in his bedroom and he started the laundry since he was almost positive Bo or someone else had peed on his sheets and a bunch of his pants. He remade the bed and said, "Amy, Amy, Amy, come in here."

"Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Simms?" She stood in the doorway.

"You're too drunk to drive, I assume Adam has Emma tonight. So I am offering you the bed so you have some privacy when you wake up."

"That's so nice," she said, her eyes wide. She sat down on the bed. "Why do you have this weird bed that's on the floor? I like a little height. Just a little. Or some storage space under the bed."

"I like never ever having clean under the bed. There can be monsters there, you know," Jonah said. He offered her some water. "Please don't forget where the bathroom is."

"Is that a Mad Men poster?"

"It's a Peggy Olsen poster, I stopped watching the show after season 4," he said.

"Oh," Amy said. "Next to your arty Beastie Boys poster."

"You seem sleepy," he said.

"I am," Amy said. "Why aren't you drunk?"

"I prefer to get drunk at other people's houses," Jonah said. She was so pretty, even half asleep, flopped on his bed.

"Fine," Amy said. "Close the door on your way out, I want privacy."

He woke up from the couch when he heard Amy throwing up, thankfully in the bathroom. He pretended to be asleep and fell back asleep. Amy woke him up, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm heading out, thank you for the bed."

"Anytime," he said.

Three weeks later, they were all locked in the store overnight. Glenn went crazy and gave them all liquor. Amy got wasted and disappeared so Jonah platonically went to look for her. She was pacing on the conveyor belt on the register and talking, until she threw up. He took her to the employee bathroom and gave her water. She was still pretty drunk. She said, "How's Naomi? I saw her at your party."

"We broke up. Basically. She gave me a plant so I think it all turned out okay," Jonah said.

Amy said, "I regret, I regret a lot."

Jonah nodded. Amy said,"I don't actually have a policy about not dating associates."

"So just me? Ouch."

"No," Amy said. "it's really never come up. They've all been assholes so far. Except you. But despite all your irritations and ways you make me roll my eyes and that you're kinda nuts -"

"No, shrink approved, not a nervous breakdown."

"Yeah, it's a totally healthy thing that you went from getting your MBA at Northwestern, which is, like one of the top ranked in the country, you went from that to working at Cloud 9," Amy said.

"Did you look at my application?"

"Yes," Amy said. "And then I looked up if the school was any good."

"I went to excellent schools," Jonah said. "And I am still happy here."

"I'd kill you just for half of the tuition you paid for that school," Amy said. "Not really."

"I know," Jonah said. "I wasted a bunch of money."

"I can never do that," Amy said.

Jonah nodded again. "I know," he said.

"I did want to date you," Amy said. "I do want you."

She shifted and then she was sitting on his thighs. "Hi," she said.

"Hey," he said and then they were kissing, he ran his hands down her back and then pulled back. "You've thrown up a lot tonight, huh?"

"Yup," Amy said. She took a long drink of water, gargled and stood up and spat it out in the sink. "I know I'm sexy."

"I'd still do you," Jonah said.

"Good," Amy said. She sat back down again and this time the kiss tasted less vomity. Enough less vomity he could go back to kissing her and run his hands up under her shirt.

"We should fuck," Amy said.

Jonah forced himself to sit back. "Or not. I mean, you're pretty drunk. Let's do this again, like, in the morning, or tomorrow."

"Are you serious? I want to do this, Jonah," Amy said. She frowned.

"I am serious, you didn't exactly want to do this today, this afternoon," Jonah said. "We can make out, and kiss, but let's rein it in more than that."

"That is so unsexy," Amy said. "Let's just make out."

"Yes," Jonah said. He stood up and pulled her up, too. He kissed her again. "Sorry I'm being a dick."

"No, I get it," Amy said. "This is what passes for romance in my life."

"Hey, I can bring romance," Jonah said. "Real romance. So much stinking romance."

The next day he asked her how her midterm went and she said, "I think I did okay. And, um. You were right, last night. Thank you."

"You don't want to date me now," Jonah said.

"No, I don't want to, that was an unintentional double negative, you and me will not be dating," Amy said. She sounded tentative, but Jonah was taking at her word. What's the use of persuading someone to like you?

He said, "Okay. Okay. I'm going to go over there. But I'm really happy for you doing well on your midterm."

Cheyenne had her baby in the store, who knew Sandra was a trained midwife? Thank goodness she was. Glenn even managed to give her maternity leave. Then Amy found him a little later. She looked shaken, she looked like something awful had happened. Jonah's first thought was Harmonica but Amy said, "They fired Glenn."

Jonah frowned and part of him noted to his ex-shrink that he was experiencing a very strong negative emotion. It was so typical, so impersonal, Glenn was the backbone of the store for all his many faults and regressive ideas and that was unfair. Glenn was more than a stereotype. He was Glenn.

Amy was still looking at him, they were both, he thought, trying to read each other's mind. He wished for a mind meld so he could tell Amy she was the one who had to do this, what they absolutely needed to do. Normally Jonah thought telepathy would be a horrible super power because he didn't want to know what was in people's heads or worse, anyone having access to his thoughts. He was much better as he presented himself and acted than all his shitty thoughts.

Amy said, "We should walk out. We should strike."

"Got it," Jonah said. "I completely agree."

It felt good, coming together with everyone and walking out. It felt super shitty when Dina came out and told them they were all fired. Then the guy from corporate came, and Dina came back out, summoning Amy and Jonah. He could feel the exact moment when Amy got angry sitting next to him, across from Jeff.

He was pretty much never going to get over being in love with her.

They marched out angrily and even Amy was willing to call it a strike.

After they both somehow promised t-shirts and signs and an inflatable rat, Amy followed him to his car and said, "I should go with you to get all this done."

"I can do it," Jonah said. "But let's do it, I appreciate your commitment to collective action."

"That sounds so scary," Amy said. She put on her seatbelt and he pulled away. "Oh, God, what did we just do?" She pulled out her phone and called her father and talked very quickly in Spanish. Jonah was getting about every other word, but the gist seemed to be panic.

She got off the phone as they pulled up to the t-shirt shop. Amy said, "I assume you're paying. Is that rude? Emma's in braces and if I lose my job, Adam can't cover much."

"But all these t-shirts would make a great shelter in a homeless encampment," Jonah said. "Sorry, sorry, of course I'll pay."

He paid for all the shirts, made sure to get multiple sizes, and paid the additional rush charge. He was driving to the rat rental place when his phone rang. "Oh, hey, Dad, still have that alert on my account?"

"Of course, I do. What's happened now?"

"I just need a bunch of t-shirts," Jonah said. Amy was looking at him like he was an idiot.

"For what? I'm not hanging up until you explain this," his dad said.

"We're, uh, we're staging a walk out, an expression of discontentedness or a strike, at the store, Cloud 9. We needed boycott cloud 9 t-shirts and the other organizer, organizers, they don't actually have money in their own trust that was left specifically to them to use," he said. He glanced at Amy again and hoped she wouldn't tell anyone.

"Finally, a use of money your grandmother would approve of," his dad said. "I don't, at all, this is unbelievably stupid and you'll get nowhere. You're replaceable, anyone can do your job. But Mom loved unions, so that's all I will say. If you do get fired, you're moving back home," Jonah's dad said.

"No, I'm not," Jonah said firmly. "And we're not getting fired."

"Good luck with that," his dad.

"I love you, too," Jonah said.

Amy said, "Your grandma loved unions?"

"Rumor has it she might have been a Communist, but we're not supposed to admit that," Jonah said.

"She loved unions and she left you a substantial amount of money? Does that generally happen?"

"Well," Jonah said. "My grandfather died right after my father was born and he had a lot of money. Grandma made some excellent investments," Jonah said. "But she was building on my grandfather's money which mostly came from entertainment."

"Entertainment?"

"Caleb liked to tell me it was porn," Jonah said, smiling. "I don't know if he was right, but I also don't want to know if he's wrong."

"Your family is so much more interesting than you," Amy said.

"Just my grandparents," Jonah said.

She didn't seem to want to go home so he got take out and drove home. Amy stopped at the sidewalk outside his apartment. "Oh, God, I could get fired."

"You won't," Jonah said.

"Dina said we were."

"Jeff really seemed to respect Dina's opinion in that meeting," Jonah said.

"Good point," Amy said. She started walking.

When they got inside, she said, "Why do you still not have chairs for your kitchen table?"

"I haven't needed them yet," he said. He got out plates and silverware and took out their food. He'd almost pulled into one Mexican restaurant when Amy had started shaking her head vigorously. She directed him to a different one and that was where they'd gotten dinner. He was looking forward to his Amy approved food.

She said, "That place you wanted to go is pretty good, but Adam's current girlfriend works there. She hates me."

"She's not the demon witch one, right?"

"Oh, no, they broke up really quickly after that. This is the one he's living with, that he got a great job for. She spoils Emma and I've talked to Adam twenty times about getting her to stop making passive aggressive remarks about me, but it doesn't seem to penetrate her thick blonde skull," Amy said.

"I don't think Emma would appreciate that," Jonah said.

"She doesn't, at all, but she shouldn't be having to put up with that. I guess Emma'll be living there full time once I'm fired," Amy said.

"You're being really positive," Jonah said.

"You're the one who's unrealistically positive," Amy said. She sighed. "No, you're right. Maybe I just get busted down to associate level and they cut my pay."

"They're not legally allowed to do that kind of thing to us, I'm almost sure," Jonah said.

"The state of Missouri will protect us?"

"The Federal government might. National Labor Relations Board," Jonah said, skimming his phone. "Anyway, don't worry. Let's get through tomorrow, okay?" He wanted to say she could live with him until she found a new job. He could support himself if he got fired, at least long enough to get another Cloud 9 equivalent job. Or even something different, something that used his degree in Comparative American Studies.

"I hate when I don't have Emma," Amy said. She sat on Jonah's couch, right in the middle. "She's too old for it, but I still sort of tuck her in, you know? I like to go to her room and just sit and talk. If I had her tonight, I'd be telling her all about what happened and I'd try to come off strong and together and I'd be totally faking it."

"She might see right through you," Jonah said.

"She would," Amy said, laughing. "But that's what you do, that's how being a mom works. Specifically when you start out at 19."

"The Gilmore Girls made it look so much easier," Jonah said.

Amy glared at him. "I sort of hate that show. I love Rory, I love that actress, she's so good. But the rest of the show is just annoying. They all have so much money. Emma kinda marathoned the first four seasons last year."

"That's a good point," Jonah said. "Lots of privilege."

"Lots of money," Amy said.

Jonah sat down next to her. "Do you want me to take you home or do you want to sleep on the bed again?"

Amy looked down at her lap. She was very quiet and for the first time all day, Jonah felt real panic. Then she turned to look at him and then her hands were on his face and she was kissing him and he was grabbing at her waist and pulling up her shirt.

Amy sat back. "Right. We should sleep together. But not have sex tonight. That's too much. I want to date you, i definitely want you. But tonight feels very like, wooo, too much. That seems mean. Is that mean?"

"Setting boundaries isn't mean," Jonah said. "I respect that. A lot. I'm just glad you want to date me. Grateful to be nominated. I'm stopping now."

"Good idea," Amy said.

"It's not like I didn't want to, that night we were all locked in, because I very much wanted to. I just, you know, you were drunk."

Amy stood up and took off her shirt. She said, "I knew you wanted to, I was sitting on your lap. I mean, I knew."

"Oh, right, yup. Sorry."

Now she'd taken off her jeans and shoes and socks. She was just standing in his living room in her bra and underwear. She was gorgeous. She went into his bedroom and started opening drawers. She came back into the living room wearing one of his t-shirts. "When I borrowed things from Adam, I could swim in them. I think you and I are just basically the same size with different proportions." The shirt was tight on her hips and didn't even reach the top of her thighs.

"Sorry," Jonah said.

"It's fine," Amy said. "We're good. I feel like I'm too keyed up to sleep but I'm also so worn out."

"Adrenalin," Jonah said. He stripped down to his boxers and got in bed next to her. They weren't exactly touching.

Amy looked over at him. "I swear, it's okay to touch me."

"I know," Jonah said. "But you look so pretty."

"I'm so intimidating," Amy said, but she might have been blushing. "Maybe it's okay if I get fired. I spent all that time working while Adam was off trying to start stupid businesses, he should support me for a while."

"Pay you alimony?"

"Child support," Amy said. "I would like that." She turned on her side, facing him. "What do you think we can actually accomplish?"

"We can get something done," he said. "I truly believe that. Maybe nothing changes but it's small changes, little incremental changes like ripples growing into a wave over time. I think it's worth it. I think Emma should be proud of you. I'm proud of you."

"I care more about Emma's opinion," she said.

"Well, yeah," he said. He kissed her again which rapidly escalated to making out and he wanted his hands on her skin. But he made himself stop. "You're so pretty."

"Right, no sex. We can wait," Amy said.

"Glenn would approve. That sounds like something Glenn would approve of," Jonah said. He laid on his back with his eyes closed trying to be zen. Thinking of Glenn definitely had a calming effect on parts of him. Glenn was the opposite of arousing. Hopefully not to Jerusha.

"We are totally going to fuck after all this settled, though," Amy said. She sounded sleepy. "So much fucking."

"Now that's what I call romance."

The strike went as it went. Amy and Jonah walked in and signed the apology. But Jonah was at least truculent about it. He crossed out lines and initialed the cross out while Jeff shook his head. Jeff said, "It means nothing. You signed, you get your job back, you apologized."

"I'm going to need a copy, too," Jonah said. "Always keep a copy of things you sign, my dad taught me that."

"Sure," Jeff said, standing up and copying it. It took him two tries to get the copier to work which Jonah noted had Amy smirking.

"Maybe if corporate sent us better equipment or a better break room," she said.

"See you tomorrow," Jeff said, with a little grit in his voice.

They walked out into the nearly empty parking lot and Amy actually took Jonah's hand. They were holding hands. She said, "Your middle name is Bah-rouche?"

"Baruch," Jonah said, pronouncing it correctly. "My parents thought Jonah Simms didn't say Jewish enough."

"Bah-ruccck," Amy said. "That's -"

"I'm going to stop you right now. Because it's a family name, I was named for my great-uncle. He was on the side of my grandmother's family that stayed in Austria. And were still there in the 1940s," Jonah said.

"Thank you for preventing me from making fun of the name of someone who died from Nazis," Amy said.

"No problem," he said. They were at their respective cars. He needed to let go of her hand and drive away, which sucked.

Amy let go first and said, "So I have Emma tonight. The next three nights. She already called me, she's really upset about my stance on trans rights -"

"You told her that's not your stance, right?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "Yes, she already knew that. She was joking. She made a lot of fun of you, too, and your 1500 followers on twitter."

"Oh, okay, good," Jonah said.

"But she goes to her dad's Sunday night, and we both have Monday off." Amy stepped closer to Jonah and they were kissing again. Right there in the parking lot as it started to get dark. Amy stepped back and said, "So we should have a date. Sunday night. And maybe more on Monday. If you want."

"Of course I want," he said. "I very much want."

"Great," she said. She was smiling a lot as she got in her car. "See you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow," he said. He should have kissed her, he thought.

He sat in his car and folded up his apology document. He unfolded it and read it over again. Then he folded it up again. He took his phone out of his pocket and tweeted a quote from Fannia Cohn to his 1500 followers. Then he tweeted again about how much he supported trans rights. And statehood for Puerto Rico which actually was a good cause.

He looked around the parking lot and thought he loved St. Louis. He loved Amy. Amy, St. Louis, the way he'd turned his life around for the better. Probably even his dad would agree with that. His dad would never agree with that. But Jonah felt it, and that was what mattered.


End file.
